Maggie, next to the hole she once fell into

This is a goofy song about a goofy cat. (The song is goofy because it has no meter, only half the lines rhyme, etc.; it's just a little something a guy is humming to himself.) It makes two points: (1) she's very fat; (2) she's the love of the narrator's life.

AUDIO (Please excuse my awful singing)

My Calico

My calico
Would like to lick her tail;
But, sadly,
That ship has long sailed.

My calico,
She just waddles around;
But her plodding footsteps
Make a glorious sound.

Whom can I turn to
When my spirits are low?
My only mistress,
My calico!

My calico,
A foot long, a foot wide,
When she's not busy eating,
She's right by my side.

My calico
Once fell down a hole;
But that's no longer a danger,
Now that she's grown eightfold. [twice in each direction!]

Who purrs so loudly
I can't hear the show?
My only princess,
My calico!

My calico,
She's orange, black, and white;
So, unlike most kitties,
She's not gray at night.

My calico,
I don't mind her love-bites;
As long as they're not on
The hand that writes.

Or else, how could I tell you
Whom I cherish so?
My only goddess,
My calico!

Note: the "twice in each direction!" bit is just there for the joke; but one could, also, have a female chorus repeating the ends of some of the verse lines. E.g.:

My calico [my calico]
Would like to lick her tail; [heeeeer tail]
But, sadly,
That ship has long sailed. [looooong sailed.]

© Copyright Serge Elnitsky, 2022. (Original version: July 9; audio: Aug. 14; linked: Sept. 5)

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